I want to learn about my people. All of my people.
For years now, I've been struggling
with my cultural identity. At first glance, I thought I didn't have
one. Others seemed to be so sure about what cultural group or
subgroup they belong to. Many have traditions and values going back
an untold number of generations. But I was always at least a little
outside of these groups and subgroups. Even the ones I later
identified as mine (the “American”, the sci-fi lover, the math
geek, etc.)
This made me feel... disconnected,
somehow. Disconnected because from time to time I would glimpse
personal meaning in those traditions, stories and customs. And yet,
because those traditions were not mine, because I was not a full
member of those groups, and because I could not bring myself to
accept 100% of any given set of values, I remained an observer. Don't
get me wrong, one can potentially learn a lot as an observer. But not
everything I need to learn. It's always, “Hey, that's an
interesting culture, I wish I knew more about it”, and rarely, “The
meaning behind that tradition is part of me”.
However, perhaps I am lucky that I
don't fit into any one particular group. There may be some I would
thrive in more than others, but I don't think I could ever again
limit myself to a single outlook. Not since the first time I saw
things from a new and completely different perspective. Today I
realized what group it is that I belong to: humanity. Yes, I've
thought this before, as passing idea, but today I truly believed it,
felt it so clearly that it's as if it's always been this way, though
I know I haven't always seen it as such.
War cannot even pretend to make sense
to me now. The invisible walls between peoples, proclaimed to be so
impervious by those who work so hard to make them, are like tiny
lines drawn in the sand. It's as if I spent my whole life studying
those lines, pondering over the symbology and meaning of their shapes
as they are drawn and redrawn whenever waves obscure them, only to
realize one day that it was only sand I was looking at all along.
